People, just people.

Being under the weather for the first time this year, after maintaining a constant immunity level, feels rather terrible. Though it isn't serious, I am itching to recover. I suppose it was the change in climate, from Korea to tropical, sunny Singapore.

I'll update about Korea some other time - Probably an entire entry: purely photographs. Right now, I'm just going to let words spill, and I hope that's okay.

People get lost. They struggle, they fight, they battle. But when is it time for them to get back on their feet? Because sometimes, people lose their identities. They lose their identity in Christ. And that worries.

Time waits for no one. The longer we spend delving into hurt and pain, the longer we spend in slight misery. Is it not? And it's hard to say, if helping actually, helps.

"What am I supposed to do?"

I came back, to the same old. We're still fighting, struggling, and dying for a way out. I asked myself, when is this going to end? Is there a way, to see lives healed, despite the painful process? I don't doubt that God can do that, He can. And He will, only if you let Him. I, have nothing left inside me to attempt. I didn't have a moment of epiphany, in case you were thinking I did. I just chose otherwise. And you can/could've done the same. I have a lot more words in parenthesis in my head, and in my heart.

Almost a year has gone by and though the end of the year isn't here yet, I've started looking back. I've not done things I intended to do, I've done and said things that I didn't intend to. I've landed myself in a position where I don't want to be. So how am I to conclude this year? I don't have a clue. Maybe, this year was a year of massive change and adaptation. Unexpected things happened, I got blown away, people changed, others didn't.

I don't know how to proceed.

It's true, I need a new challenge. Life has been too kind of late, so much so that I've fallen through. There's no part of me that desires, yearns or stands up anymore. And a life led without purpose, is a life not living at all. Isn't it?

But I'm thankful, for friends that stick around. Even those whom I've not been in contact with for the longest time. Gwendolyn, my secondary school classmate, called me on Monday and we had a good talk over the phone. I miss the girls, clad in the trusty blues and whites of the IJ uniform. I miss the dirty, dusty gymnasium, the ever enthusiastic juniors. I miss my teachers. I miss the school compound. Sometimes I wonder if we're growing up too fast. Then again, if we don't, life's going to get the better of us. We'll find ourselves in some sort of denial.

I figured, that I didn't want to live my life this way. I just found it excruciatingly difficult to break out of this routine. I need to stop. I need, to break through. I have to get out of this boat. I shouldn't allow myself to sink with it.

God, I'm still trying. I know I don't have to, because You've given me the power and authority to break through. But is being human good enough a reason to let me try a little harder?

Don't give up on me, please. It's scary enough realising that I'm treading on thin ice, yet. Bottom line is, I.Am.Scared.Stiff. (To death?) If I may add.

At the moment, I am a confused being. How can one be like this and then, like that?

(Here's a happy being, in the midst of Autumn.)